How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
