Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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