So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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