is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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