I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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