I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
