I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
