Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
