Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
