I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
