you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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