no, he came in my armpit
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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