cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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