Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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