am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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