i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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