Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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