Umm I'm too high to move.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
