I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
