i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
