Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The air was thick with penises
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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