i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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