Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
