she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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