Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
