they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
