So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
