So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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