Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
