my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
