it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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