Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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