This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
