I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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