p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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