Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
