Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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