he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize