Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
