i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
