I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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