you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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