Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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