Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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