I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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