It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
