i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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