so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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