I wish I could teleport
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
