ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
