The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
