my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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