you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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